My First Dividends

Tea and a Cadbury’s

It was a Friday and I was on my lunch break.

“I deserve a treat,” I thought, for I once again had survived another week.

I made for the newsagents across the road, getting sunburnt along the way as 2026 is the year that Global Warming has decided to kill all Irish people.

I decided, despite the heat and despite the fact I can make it for free in the office, I’d buy myself a large cup of tea (with extra sugar).

At the coffee bar I took my time, stirring the water, squeezing the Barry’s Tea bag, splashing the exact right amount of milk into the cup before throwing the lid on and making my way over to the register.

There was a queue of four people but I didn’t care, nothing could stop me on this perfect day, I had my lovely tea after all.

I get to the register and right there, staring me in my fat little face is a sight to behold:

A Cadbury’s Dairy Milk Chocolate Bar.

Perfectly packaged, purple of course and just asking to be eaten.

I threw it next to my tea like I was James Bond or something and told the cashier that I’d also like this chocolate please.

Then, everything turned for the worst.

“€7.50,” the cashier read out to me, showing off the nightmare that is inflation.

I tapped my phone. Declined. How embarrassing. I don’t have €7.50?

I apologised to the cashier (who clearly hated me now and probably had no interest in ever being my friend) and checked my account.

€7.34. Oh fuck.

I scrambled. I started checking other accounts, but there was nothing. I hadn’t yet been paid.

The queue had just grown by two more people and I was holding up everyone’s day. I was the worst man alive. Soon my Cadbury’s would be melted and my tea cold.

It was only as I went to apologise for the 7th time that my eyes scanned across my brokerage account.

Oh my god. Comcast.

The day before, I had earned my first ever dividends: €0.33 per share. I owned 2.14 shares. Gold.

I withdrew the 16 cents I needed and I bought my perfect duo. I was Gates. I was Bezos. I was Soros.

And that’s my story. It’s a tiny amount and a tiny example, but having extra money is a big deal to me and the fact I was able to complete a purchase due to an investment that I had decided to make on my own? Oh that’s huge.

That Friday, it was a cup of tea and a bar, but in 10 years, it could be rent.

Me